those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
