Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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