You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
