Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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