but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
