I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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