Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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