Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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