So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
