remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
