i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
