I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
