apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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