i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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