i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
