If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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