I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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