So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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