You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
