respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
