I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
