Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
