So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
