so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
