my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
