found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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