I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
