It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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