I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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