So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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