I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
