I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
