was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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