I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
