Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
