I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
