Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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