I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Couch. On fire.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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