i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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