He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
