Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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