thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
