Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
