she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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