You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
