So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
