I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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