One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
