I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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