i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We are all done wearing pants today
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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