So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
