he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
