Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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