It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
